My Neighbor and His Dog are Douche Bags 12
I‘m going to beat the shit out of my fucking neighbor.
So, I was just outside walking my dog as I usually do this time of day. Having a dog in my complex is fairly commonplace, as I think probably 1/4 tenants have one. About half of the dogs are smaller breeds, but there are a bunch like myself who have larger dogs (I have a female Boxer, she’s about 48lbs and among the middle of the pack when it comes to the size of dogs here).
Anyways, so I’m outside walking my dog and just as she finishes her business on this empty patch of grass, I hear a pounding behind me and turn to see this giant white beast hurl itself onto my dog. They start fighting and I’m cussing and trying to kick this monster off my innocent companion. Then after 10 seconds of me trying to stop it and nearly getting mauled myself, some fag in cut-off jeans and a wife beater runs towards us screaming “Titan! Heel Titan!!”
“Titan” did no heeling and the guy hauled ass over there to help break the dogs apart. I looked at the guy (after he restrained his monstrosity of a dog — imagine a ‘roided Alaskan Husky) and was fucking livid.
Me: Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? Get your damn dog on a leash.
Guy: Relax man, he’s trained.
Me: Trained? If your dog was trained why would it run up here and attack my dog like that? All the dogs in this complex needs to be leashed, that’s the rule.
Guy: I don’t know what your dog did to provoke it, but that’s not Titan’s fault.
Me: First off, I don’t care what kind of training your dog has, it’s like 300 pounds and three times the size of any of the dogs that live here, it needs to be on a leash. Second of all, my dog didn’t do shit.
Guy: Buddy, calm down.
Me: No you asshole, you could have killed or injured my dog.
Guy: Titan can’t hurt a fly.
Me: Your dog’s name is Titan. Do you even know what Titan means? It means ‘anything named this word needs to be locked the fuck up’. What kind of dog is that anyway?
Guy: He’s half siberian, half mastiff. Look man, if all you’re gonna do is talk shit to me and my dog, then we’re gonna have problems. I just moved in here last week.
Me: Yea, no shit we’re gonna have problems. Keep your fucking dog away from mine. Better yet, put a hitch on him, get an ox and a wagon and go to Oregon you retard.
Guy: confused look on his face
Me: Asshole.
I walked to my apartment and saw that my dog’s hind leg is sore and she is limping on it after his dog nearly Michael Vick’d the shit out her.
Alright lawyerlies… what can I do besides tell my apartment complex about this?
If your dog was hurt, you can sue his dumb ass.
Larry did an article on the worth of a dog’s life a few weeks ago. It wasn’t very high.
nothing. Hard to find “deep-pockets” in cut-off shorts.
Also, it kind of sounds like you were being the Douche here.
to be fair, his dog got attacked. that kinda gives you a free pass to be a dick
Huh?? I was being the douche? You’re my neighbor, aren’t you. Come over, my tire iron and I want to have a talk with you.
HAHA.
Actually, if you actually want to do something about this, you can call animal control. When I worked for a municipal court, that shit happened all the time. Basically he’ll get a no leash ticket, and then be required to show the court all of the dogs paperwork or he’ll lose the dog. (even if he doesn’t lose it, at least you’ll know it doesn’t have rabies, ect.)
“Better yet, put a hitch on him, get an ox and a wagon and go to Oregon you retard.”
hahaha, good call. oregon trail was my favorite.
word son, word
+1
That was awesome.
Protip: Approach the guy to offer reconciliation. Have him invite you in. When he’s not looking, feed Titan a handful of ex-lax.
concealed weapons permit, you fill in the rest. If it came down to my dog or his, id shoot the bitch (pun?)
Poison + ground beef might work better.