I recognize that I am becoming a bit of a typecasted writer for this site, all my stories so far being about girls or sex. But all of Bayan’s stories are about food, and he and life@160 write consistently about their fecal matter, so I guess it’s not so bad. Plus this is marketed as a “Men’s Lifestyle Blog With a Legal Slant”, so I guess until anything interesting happens in my life external to women (which is unlikely), or related to the law, I’ll milk these situations for as long as I can.

Two weekends ago a friend of mine come into town for an academic event taking place in my city. She is a teacher at a high-school located at another larger city here in Texas, and traveled here as the school-sponsor for the students in the event. This is her first year as a teacher, and taking this into account, she is still young. At 21 years old, she is not only in charge of teaching classes of highschool students, but she is also trusted with traveling some of them around the country and supervising their activities. While I think this girl is pretty cool, all the reasons I think she is sweet are reasons I would not want her to travel alone with my kids across the country. She is an alcoholic, cocaine addict, and has slept with so many guys that she told me she lost track “around 30, a few years back”.

In any event, I met up with her in town, and while her kids were competing she asked me if I wanted to go back to her hotel with her to get drunk at the bar and snort some adderall. I agreed of course, so we head to the hotel, and after taking several shots of Crown at the bar, we stumbled to the elevators to go up to her hotel room.
Though it should have crossed my mind before then, it was only while laying in her bed drunk, watching her carefully crush and arrange lines of amphetamines that the thought of fucking her entered my head. She talked incessantly, mostly about things I didn’t care about, but I politely nodded and said “yeah”, or, alternately “oh yeah?” the way years of pretending to care when I am really just thinking about fucking has taught me. After taking a rather large rail of orange powder into my nose, she became both more interesting and more fuckable. We chatted for a bit longer, but soon the time came for her to return to the school where her students were competing.

I meet leave and meet up with two of my buddies to pitch the situation to them. You see, said girl had invited me to meet back up with her in a few hours, she even offered to let me stay at her hotel that night. You may be wondering what the problem was.

The problem was this: the girl, despite being my friend, was an objective 4, and a rating of at least a 5 is the standard I hold myself to sleep with, even when I am drunk. I was tempted to go back over that night, but feared what I would think of myself in the morning. Over pizza, my buddies told me there was a simple, but effective solution. Accept a blowjob, and nothing more.

Now this sounded pretty good in theory. But there were two main problems that I could see arising. The first: if my plan was to get shitfaced, would I actually be able to maintain my limit at a bj? I usually sleep with pretty good looking chicks, but I have definitely had some low points in my life where I have sexed a few uglies. The second dilemma was that while I have gotten only a bj on multiple occasions, with several girls, I was still rather uncertain that I could guarantee this chick would be cool with that. I mean, the thought of getting a girl to my room, and only going down on her, with nothing in return seems absurd to me.

I decide to try my luck, and a few hours later I meet her at a restaurant for drinks. Again, she talks incessantly about shit I didn’t care about, and I slammed down margarita after margarita while contemplating the philosophical and sociopolitical ramifications of what I was about to attempt.

After we get sufficiently plastered, we drive the 15 minutes to her hotel, narrowly avoiding death at several points on the highway. Once we get there and park, we head back to the bar to order more shots of Crown. Through some absurd twist of chance, I see a few friends at the bar as we approach. I try my best to ignore them, but I get the impression that they clearly understand the situation and they choose not to intervene into it out of courtesy. After taking a couple more shots we head outside for a cigarette. I glance back at my friends over at the bar, and one of them gives a knowing smile and a wave. The situation is too funny to do anything except smile back and tip my head in response.

After the cigarette she suggests we go back up to her room to “relax”, I get suddenly nervous, the potential awkwardness of what I am about to attempt beginning to sink in. Should I just tell her to blow me? What if she wants me to fuck her? What is the reason I tell her I cant? The elevator ride seems to take forever, and an awkward silence engulfing us, despite her usual talkativeness.

We reach her floor and walk over to her room. She slips the key in and we enter for the second time that day. I lie on her bed and stare at the ceiling. She comes over to open her laptop and begins to play loud progressive house music. The loud and upbeat nature of the songs, actually begin to lift my spirits. I begin to think about how sweet situation actually was. I felt kind of baller getting shitfaced and doing drugs with a teacher who is with her students on a school event. I didn’t think I had ever gotten a blowjob from a schoolteacher before, though I don’t know the occupations of every girl I have ever fucked around with. She comes to lie next to me and I instinctively put my hand on one of her tits, which were actually fairly large. She kisses me and puts her hand on my dick. Within seconds is pulling it out and putting it in her mouth. Amazed at how easy this is I use one hand to pull her breasts out of her shirt, and the other to guide her head with my hand (which I know is bad blowjob etiquette, but whatever).

For whatever reason, I don’t last very long, and within a couple minutes I tell her I am about to cum. She giggles and obediently swallows and aftersucks. I thank her, and suggest we go outside for another cigarette. She says to me “if you like that, you are in for a real treat when we get back…”. The way she says it clearly implies she wants to fuck me, so I take the length of the cigarette break to contemplate what to do. I briefly consider just leaving, but because we are also sort-of friends I guess, I decide that would be a dick move, and I should just navigate the situation away from fucking her once we get back to her room.

When we return up the elevator and back into her room. We snort some more adderall, and it doesn’t take long before I am feeling like another bj. I naively put my hand on her tit again, hoping that it causes a repeat of the scenario that played out a few minutes earlier. This time however, she tells me that she wants me to fuck her.

“No”, I say plainly.

“Why not?”, she asked.

“Because I don’t want to, it doesn’t seem right, and I have a girlfriend.”

The last part wasn’t true, and in retrospect didn’t make any sense since she had just had my dick in her mouth. Despite this comment however, she drops to her knees and begins to just blow me again. For the billionth time in my life, I am astounded at how slutty girls are. If the thought of going down on a girl with no reciprocation seemed crazy to me, the thought of doing it TWICE was barely something I could conceptualize at all.

There was a few points during round two that she would remove me from her mouth requesting “Please [Rocket Van Buuren], I really want you to fuck me”, to which I would proudly respond with more absurd excuses. “I love Jesus, I already have to go to confession now”, or “I cant fuck when I am this drunk, I can only get head”. None of these were rational responses, but in my drunken stupor, they all seemed to be appropriate somehow

I laid down on the bed while I waited for her to finish me off, becoming ever more aggressive with her head as the time went on. At one point she stops and says to me, “you can only pull my hair that hard if you are fucking me”. To which I respond, “sorry, but I am not fucking you, so keep going”.

After she finishes I thank her again, and she begins to complain about the lack of reciprocation. She tells me that she knew other guys in the city who would be happy to have fucked her. “Those guy aren’t me”, I told her coldly. I passed out not long after.

When I woke up the next morning, feeling hung over and a little guilty, I expected her to be a little mad at me. The way I had treated her the night before seemed pretty fucked up in retrospect. She seemed cheery however, telling me that she enjoyed our night together, and that she hoped to see me again the next time she was in town. Yet still amazed with the whoredom which girls tolerate in themselves, I get my things together and begin to leave, just as her high-school students begin to knock at her hotel room door. I open it to leave, nod at the two young boys, and make my way back to the elevators.

I had succeeded in my task, I got blown (twice), and didn’t have the guilt of sexing an ugly. Excellent.