Ok, you can stop submitting applications to write for the site, all of our positions are – like Jenna Haze in [insert porn title here] – entirely filled. Below you will find our roster, which I will copy into the About page tomorrow: continue reading »
Why do you freaks keep trying to add me on facebook? Aren’t you busy chasing ambulances or something?
Ever since I began writing for this god-forsaken site (like a week ago), I’ve received a multitude of friend requests on facebook – all of which have been rejected/ignored. It’s not like my profile picture is some fine-ass Brazilian broad with monster tits that you could pleasure yourself to (which I wouldn’t hold against you, we’ve all been guilty of this at one point or another). continue reading »
I didn’t read the Tucker Max stories until I was accused of trying to copy him, and while the comparison continues to be inappropriate, I do long for the day when I no longer spend sixty hours of every week at my firm. In that sense, I am trying to copy him, though given what’s happening in his life, maybe Tucker will soon be forced to seek firm employment for himself? continue reading »
I loved, though rarely consumed, Taco Bell before poorness overtook my life. Now destitute, I get to consume the simultaneously delicious and disgusting food on a semi-regular basis. On Friday night, [redacted] told me that my only decent article was the Subway review and that he was the single greatest human being to ever post on the internet, both of which I find hard to believe. continue reading »
The internet sucks. No matter what you do, no matter how awesome you are, you’re going to get shit on. Case in point, Meghan McCain’s amazing, boner-inducing photo above. Within moments of tweeting the photo, her twitter account was slammed with thousands of messages calling her, among other things, a slut. continue reading »
The only thing preventing me from buying my gigantic yacht? Well, other than my parents not yet perishing in a tragic home explosion caused by a mysterious gas leak that I know absolutely nothing about? Pirates. continue reading »
When you don’t have a job, you eat whenever you’re hungry and pay little attention to the traditional notions of breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The following recipe may look deceptively like a breakfast, but I ate it just after 12:30 PM, so it counts god-dammit. continue reading »
How the fuck did the only two sports articles in the history of this website come up for publication today? I swear to god, I almost didn’t post this, but then you would all be like “Life at 160 is the laziest fucker on the planet.” [source] It’s a true-to-life catch-22. continue reading »
