“Get up”, I told her. “Clean up in the bathroom, I am not sure who this is.”

“Okay”

I walk over to the door and use the small peephole to peer into the hallway. I see my friend Patrick. Relieved it isn’t her parents or the police or something, I answer it and give him a big brohug. “What the fuck is up man? What are you doing around here?” continue reading »

She reached out to unbuckle my belt with her hands. Her clumsy attempts eventually led to success, followed by her unzipping my pants and wiggling them down to my ankles. I thought briefly of sitting down, but I was midway between the kitchen and living room, and understood that this would require me to waddle awkwardly a few feet until I found an appropriate piece of furniture. continue reading »

For a moment, she stood in reflective silence, before turning her eyes to mine, “Is that a problem?”

Though my comically exaggerated self-image forces me to assume that bedding any female is merely a drink and a smirk away, it wasn’t until this moment that Jamie’s intentions were acutely perceptible.  And though I covet every woman possessing even a modicum of beauty, there was a special kind of treachery associated with this lay.  This was a betrayal that would require me to accept my callous masquerade as something significantly more genuine. continue reading »

Women are a strange breed. Especially the one I picked up over the weekend. She may have been the stupidest girl I have ever put my dick inside, which is quite an amazing accomplishment, considering some of her competition for that spot. I almost feel bad for her, but I guess it’s hard to have much sympathy for a girl who was having the time of her life. It’s like the manically happy retarded kid, shitting himself with laughter over the most inane and boring things. I mean, it would suck…except he never stops smiling and probably enjoys himself a hell of a lot more than you or anyone you know. continue reading »

Grocery stores would be better. Or a library. I’m so good at talking to girls in libraries. [My friend asks me what I think of the girls in the club, and if I have talked to any. I tell him, “It’s impossible to tell if they’re quality or not.”] Like I give a shit. continue reading »

I don’t watch a lot of television. The only shows I watch regularly are The Daily Show, The Office, LOST, and Flashforward. I’ll also watch UT games occasionally, but usually only important ones (v Alabama, v Kansas, etc). That’s not a lot, is it? Despite this, I have noticed a few hotties of the small screen. I try to pay attention, and my roomie watches a bit too. Whenever I’m studying or working and I look up to catch a glimpse of a sexy little hard-body, I take note. Here are some of the better picks of TV land- continue reading »

After consulting many people about the delimma which comes with only receiving a blowjob from a random while at a party or in a club, it has become clear to me that the answer falls very strictly along gender lines. I polled a good number of people seeking resolution, and here are some of the responses I got: continue reading »

Not an especially eventful week prior to my weekend. My weekend has been pretty badass so far, but I am not going to share why with any of you fuckers because I don’t want you to know my identity. I am waiting for the final round of an important event to start. A few moments ago, someone came up to me and shared a popular social dilemma. continue reading »